Practice "I" statements to sound assertive. Strong "I" statements have three specific elements:
Behaviour
Feeling
Tangible effect (consequence to you)
Example: "I feel frustrated when you are late for meetings. I don't like having to repeat information." Posted by Jackie 31/10/08.
Assertivenes Quote:"The practice of assertiveness: being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts". Nathaniel Branden Posted by Leanne 21/11/08.
To be effectively assertive, you must use body language congruent with your words. "John, I need that report Thursday morning," is an assertive statement. Mumble this statement while staring out the window instead of in John's eyes undermines your message. Posted by Graeme 22/12/08.
Remember, you have the right to be assertive and say "I do not know!" Posted by Julie 22/12/08
Remember, you have the right to be assertive and say, "I do not care". Posted by Julie 22/12/08.
Remember, you have the right to be assertive and say, "I do not understand." Posted by julie 22/12/08.
CONSIDERATION
We feel good about ourselves when others feel good about us. If you are not thought of as considerate, try a random act of kindness each day to see the positive effects it has on others and us. For example, say "Good morning" to a starnger in the street, complement a work colleague on something they have done well or even just improved from what was a poor position. Try it. You will feel so good about yourself from the reaction of others that being considerate will soo become second nature. Posted by Allana 22/11/08.
Be punctual for all of your appointments. When you are late, others have to wait for you. Be considerate of other people's time. Most people have busy schedules that can be thrown off if you are not punctual. Posted by Alf 05/01/09.
COURAGE
When facing a difficult decision which challenges your courage by the nature of the consequences, ask yourself two questions:
"What is the worst that can happen?"
"What is the right thing to do by my standards?"
If the right thing is clear and you can live with consequences; you may have lived through similar consequences before, then what to do will be clear. You will appear to have courage to others but will only be doing what is right. Posted by Emanuelle 01/11/08
Courage Quote Courage is resistance to fear; mastery of fear - not absence of fear. - Mark Twain Posted by Jason 05/01/09
Do one little thing outside your comfort zone every day. It doesn't have to be a big step, just something different from what you normally do or say. Even changing your thoughts about someone or something that has been bothering you can have a big impact on opening yourself up to new perspectives about the world and ways of coping with difficult situations. Posted by Lorraine 28/12/08.
Act on your ideas. It takes courage to put your faith in yourself. The worst decision you can make is to do nothing. Take risks and know that you can succeed. Posted by Jennifer 28/12/08.
EMPATHY
Watch people's non-verbal reactions to you. If you are not good at reading non-verbal signs go people watching at a shopping mall with a friend who is good at it. Watch people interact. Suggest to your friend what you see they are feeling. Ask your friend whether they believe you are right or wrong and why. You will never read all non-verbal behaviour correctly, but practice will at least enable you to ask to verify how you think people may be feeling. Posted by Bonnie 26/10/08.
When someone is talking to you, listen to the story and the emotions that come with it rather than the exact words. You will remember what is important to the individual much better than trying to remember the exact words. Posted by Johnson 03/12/08.
Watch people's non-verbal reactions to you. Try to determine what emotions they are feeling. if you know them well, ask them. Posted by Jane 04/12/08.
When you are having a discussion with someone about a topic you have great interest in and experience with, refrain from telling your story. Just say, "Tell me more." Posted by Joe 04/12/08.
Think of times you have jumped to the wrong conclusion. What questions could you have asked to prevent you from jumping to the wrong conclusion? Posted by Simon 07/12/08.
Practice noticing visual clues. Next time you are at an airport, shopping mall or bus station or other public place, people watch with intent. See if you can pick the small visual clues that give lie to what people are feeling and thinking. Becoming aware of the non-verbal clues is more than half the battle to understanding how someone is feeling. Posted by Jackie 29/12/08.
ENERGY
To have positive emotional energy a positive mental attitude and high physical energy are required. A positive mental attitude requires us to look for solutions and opportunities rather than problems in what we experience. It can be difficult to do if for whatever reason you have a negative mental attitude. Having high physical energy is easier. Take a walk three times week for thirty minutes or more and you are half way there. Posted by Gemma 03/01/09.
Hapines Quote "Many people think that if they were only in some other place, or had some other job, they would be happy. Well, that is doubtful. So get as much happiness out of what you are doing as you can and don't put off being happy until some future date.
- Dale Carnegie" Posted by Jason 05/01/09.
MOTIVATION
Set clear, actionable goals. Post these goals on your mirror or someplace you pass each day. Read over and think about these goals each day. Posted by Eva 06/11/08
Break your goals into very small, very manageable steps. Each day, complete 1-3 of these steps. Each day you complete a small step, you are closer to your goals. Posted by Eva 06/11/08
Discover your values by using the ""Five Whys"" technique. Your values determine what motivates you. Ask "Why is important to you?" Ask "Why is so?" and so on until you can answer no more. You will have reached one of your values by then, usually within five questions. Posted by Alex 28/2/08
Prioritise your values. Use a paired comparison analysis or factor analysis to help prioritise yoiur values. Posted by Alex 28/12/08.
OPTIMISM
Optimism Quote: "For myself, I am an optimist--it does not seem to be much use being anything else." --Winston Churchill. Posted by Petra 09/11/08.
Think of times when you felt that things could go wrong. Did things always go wrong? When they did go wrong, were there any things in twenty-twenty hindsight you could have done to prevent them going wrong? Since then, have other things gone right? Have unexpected benfits ever come your way that you have not thought about prior to them occurring? Life lived with apositive attitude has a way of diminshing things which go wrong and opening up new doors more quickly than living life with a negative attitude. Posted by Jason 12/12/08.
RESOURCES
Adele B Lynn's book "The EQ Difference" is an easy to read, pragmatic book on what EQ is, how it impacts out lives and how to improve your EQ using a seven step self coaching process. Posted by Jamie 22/10/08.
Read the book 'The Assertiveness Workbook' by Randy J Paterson Ph.D. if you wnt the low-down on assertiveness. It is an awesome book full of examples about what assertiveness is, a self asessment section and hundreds of tips and examples in real life work situations to help you become more assertive. Posted by Gemma 24/10/08
The left hand column as popularised by Senge in his book, "The Fifth Discipline" is well described on this site. Using the left hand column allows us to disentangle what was said from what was felt and thought. A powerful tool to get honesty in communication. Posted by Graeme 30/11/08.
This site; Social Research Methods , was developed in 1996 and remains one of the most popular resources for emotional intelligence. Posted by Julie 17/01/09.
EQToday is published by Six Seconds as part of their nonprofit mission to bring emotional intelligence practices to schools, families, and organizations around the globe. Posted by Kerrie 27/01/09.
Self-esteem is an opinion not a fact. The way we view and feel about ourselves has a profound effect on how we live our lives. These opinions are shaped by experiences in the family, at school, from friendships and in wider society. Self-esteem involves our ability to think, to deal with life and to be happy. Self esteem can only be changed by changing our opinion of ourselves. Posted by Mark 20/11/08
If you are feeling bad about yourself, do some things things for pleasure, for fun. Think about ways you enjoy yourself. Put effort into making life pleasurable and satisfying. Arrange to be in situations which are playful and make you laugh. Posted by Mark 20/11/08
There are no "bad" emotions. Whatever you feel is giving you valuable information: either about the situation that you're in, or about some event that's happened in the past that you need to learn from and move on. Posted by Alan 31/01/09.
Remember, it's how you respond to those feelings that matters. Whatever emotion you're feeling, you still have a choice about how you act on it - and that's what counts. Judging yourself does not make you a better person. Posted by Elaine 02/02/09.
SELF AWARENESS
Here is a great tip from Adele B. Lynn's book; 'The EQ Difference' - when you go to a waiting room in a public place next such as a doctor, observe where you sit, how you sit, the expression on your face, your level of interaction with others. You will soon become aware of how others may see you. After a while you can extend this practice to environments where there is a lot more interaction. This tip worked really well for me. Posted by Jamie 22/10/08
Take time off for reflection. There are many ways to either get into the habit of reflection or create an environment where you are more likely to reflect. For example, make sure you have a hobby you really enjoy. Instead of thinking about problems you are more likley to relax and think about yourself and your approach to problems. Or write down each week what lessons you learnt from what went right and what went wrong. Coach or mentor somebody else. Either of thsoe raises self awareness like nothing else I know. Posted by Reggie 28/10/08.
Try this technique for increasing emotional self-awareness. Track your emotions during the day using SASHET.
Sad
Angry
Scared
Happy
Excited
Tender
Keep a SASHET tally sheet today and see if there are patterns in the emotions you feel and those you don't feel. Posted by Fran 18/11/08.
Ask other people when you tend to display a particular emotion. For example ask your boss when you appear angry or despondent or disillusioned. It is a high probability that your boss will tell you about times your body language is giving you away that you do not know about. Posted by Carly 31/12/08
SELF REGULATION
Center yourself around your values and principles. Don't let friends and acquaintances dictate what you consider important. Submitted by Prakesh 08/11/08.
Discover your key productivity periods and places. Morning, afternoon, or evening? Find spaces where you can be the most focused and productive. Prioritize these for your most difficult work/study challenges. Submitted by prakesh 08/11/08.
First understand others, then attempt to be understood. When you have an issue with an supervisor or a teacher (a poor evaluation, a questionable grade, an assignment/work deadline, etc.) put yourself in the instructor's place. Now ask yourself how you can best make your argument given his/her situation. Submitted by Prakesh 08/11/08.
Pay attention times when we remain unruffled by others and times when we react strongly. WE should take time to observe the specific conditions where we let our guard down. For example, is it when we are tired, stressed, sick, feeling unappreciated or criticised, or not taking care of? We can then try to avoid putting ourself in situations where we aren’t able to choose a graceful response. Posted by Jenni 17/11/08.
Recall a time when someone expressed an emotion to you in the workplace and it was a negative experience. Write down how you felt and what the other person could have done better. Reflect on when you have created a similar situation yourself. Determine how to best take your own advice. Posted by Lyn 01/12/08.
Anchor your feelings. Think of a time when you felt good. Think of a word, image,guesture, sound or smell that accompanies the good feeling. Quite often, for me it is the sights, sounds and smells of the sea. For you it probably will be something different. Perhaps Christmas, a sporting event, completing a project or getting home at the end of the day. When your emotions are getting the better of you, pause and reflect on the image, sound, smell, phrase or guesture that makes you remember feeling good. You will be amazed at how easily anchoring your thoughts like this calms your emotions. Posted by David 27/12/08
Perfectionists find that people, and themselves, never quite measure up to their expectations. Instead of striving for perfection, strive for excellence. That is, doing your very best in every situation. Celebrate excellence and don’t get sucked into thinking that everything needs to be perfect. Posted by Jerome 30/01/08.
SOCIAL SKILL
If you like acronyms, here is one to improve social skills - SOFTEN (Smile, Open posture, Forward lean, Touch, Eye contact, Nod). Posted by Jennifer 30/10/08.
Don't "Picnic". People who eat their lunches alone at their desk, ostensibly because of their workload, "Picnic". Picnicing is isolating and keeps us out of relationships. Make a point to go to lunch with a co-worker, team member, or stakeholder. The relationships built produce benefits far greater than working through lunch at your desk. Posted by Jason 20/11/08.
Be properly assertive. Allow other people to have a point of view and an emotion that goes with it. Do not impose your views or emotions on others. Posted by Lynn 31/12/08.
Making eye contact is important. If you find this difficult, start by looking at the other person's sholulder. When you get more confident, look at their left or right ear. By now you will notice how much more engaged the other person looks when you speak or listen. If you cannot finally bring yourself to make eye contact, they may not even notice taht you are not looking into their eyes. Posted by Gail 29/01/09.
Pick out some people who you think have good people skills and try to learn what you can from them. At the same time try not to pick up any bad habits from people who you think have less-than-great interpersonal abilities. Posted by Chanelle 27/01/09.
STRESS
Laugh and Smile: Research shows that when we laugh or even smile, blood flow to the the brain is increased, endorphins (that give us a sense of well being) are released, and levels of stress hormones drop which allows an increase in white blood cell production which increases immunity. Stress causes blood flowto slow by 35% while laughter increases it by around 22%. (study at Uni of Maryland, Baltimore USA). Posted by Gerard 12/11/08.
Do a worst case scenario check: In relation to the thing that is stressing you,what is the worst that will happen if ............? In almost every case the effect of your stressing is worse than the consequence. Posted by Gerard 13/11/08.
Remember, it's how you respond to emotions that matters. Whatever emotion you're feeling, you still have a choice about how you act on it. It is the actions you take that count. There are no good or bad emotions. Judging yourself and stressing about them does not make you a better person. Posted by Greta 21/11/08.
Some tips for stress management include:
getting enough sleep
learning to relax
doing some exercise
setting realistic goals
planning and organising work tasks
trying to have a positive attitude
not worrying about the little things
talking to family and friends outside the workplace
Posted by Angela 27/11/08
TOLERANCE
Think about how you appear to others. List personality traits that are compatible with tolerance (e.g., compassion, curiosity, openness). List those that seem incompatible with tolerance (e.g., jealousy, bossiness, perfectionism). Posted by Frank 11/11/08.
WHY EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS IMPORTANT
75% of careers are derailed for reasons related to emotional competencies. Posted by Laisa 31/01/09
Gifted children manifest a near "blindness" to social cues which leads to isolated and sad childhoods. Posted by Laisa 31/01/09
Achieve more in less time With the "Make Time For Success!" self-study program. 39 tips from the pros on managing time, effort, and others. Order the142-page ebook to reduce your stress and free up time.
What is a KPI?
